i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
