apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
