Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
