is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
