so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
