She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
