I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
