Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
