Swine flu. Run for my life!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
