Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize