Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
