She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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