Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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