dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
smell my finger.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
