My first STD was from a foam party
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
