youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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