I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
