tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
