his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
