All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
