My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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