Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
