My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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