Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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