if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
