So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
