Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
