I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
