just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
