we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
