Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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