well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
