He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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