I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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