I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
