He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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