Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
