I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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