I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
