i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
