chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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