Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My vagina is very pro this idea
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
