He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
