please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
