Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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