i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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