pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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