:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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