honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My life is pants optional.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
