I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
