I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
