Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
