I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
