I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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