I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
