Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
