It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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