Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
