In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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