so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
