Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
