i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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