It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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