i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
