I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The best revenge is premature balding
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
