I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
